[The scene: She apathetically releases a puff of smoke from a pair of fiery red lips, before she stands up, yanks at her fishnets, props herself clumsily upon the bar, leans just a little bit too much (so you can kinddaaa see her boobs)…and makes an announcement…]
Note: You should probably click below to listen to me reading this post partly in a ridiculous fake Russian Accent. Yes, that’s right. I actually did that. You’re welcome. You will either hate me fiercely or love me forever. One or the other. Muah. ah. ah. But don’t worry–I don’t read ALL of it in a ridiculous fake made up Russian Accent.
https://s3.amazonaws.com/audiofiles.themiddlefingerproject.org/%24100%2C222.37.mp3
First of all, I’d like to announce that these fishnets are giving me a muffin top. Please refrain from touching my midsection. It will not be nice.
Second, there are announcements, my friend. Announcements! A whole dump truck full of announcements to be made. Today. Thursday. On this fine day of January, 2012.
Are you ready for some football? … crazy, sexy diet? … good shit that you should know, that I’m excited to tell you?
Announcement #1
Remember at the beginning of last year when I said I was going to smoke it revenue-wise in 2011…and promised I’d pull $97,000 my first full-time year in business with The Middle Finger Project…after becoming homeless and starting over from scratch? (And even invited you to follow along?)
Remember that shit?
Well boo-yah, baby.
Say hello to $100,222.37 for 2011.
Here’s a stupid pie chart:
–
Announcement #2
This is my new favorite song. Unrelated. –
Announcement #3
I’m in the process of bringing back consulting seshes, and revamping copywriting offerings to be much more a la carte and—how do I put it—economically pleasing…designed specifically for small biz owners just getting started, so you can boost conversions + make more dollah bills this year. You guys have given me lots of shit (with love) the last half of the year for withdrawing those services. I heard you. Now, they’re making a comeback with a big ass cherry on top. Soon. Lookout.–
Announcement #4
There is no announcement #4. Justttt fucking with you.–
There.
That is all.
Sending you all my love, and a big, burly man from Greece to sooth your woes (sorry, fellas),