First Day of the Week: Could life BE any better? Somebody bring me champagne. Feed me chocolates. Tickle my toes in all the right places. And send a memo to the president alerting him to the fact that I AM A GOD DAMN GENIUS. This whole me-running-my-own-biz-nass thing is really going to work out after all! RELIEF. RELIEF. RELIEF. MONEY! MONEY! MONEY! CHAMPAGNE! CHAMPAGNE! CHAMPAGNE! Jumps! Up! And! Down!– Second Day of the Week: I suck. Suck, suck, suck! The
Modern Day Slavery: Worth Pondering
“To have a home, a family, a property or a public function… To be a useful cog in the social machine. All these things seem necessary, even indispensable, to the vast majority of men, including intellectuals, and including even those who think of themselves as wholly liberated. And yet such things are only a different form of the slavery that comes of contact with others. Especially regulated and continued contact.” –Isabelle Eberhardt
This One Time, I Fell In Love With an Illegal Immigrant. Yes, That Actually Happened.
By the end of the night, it was as if I had just had the best sex of my life, without so much as having shared a kiss. I knew nothing about him, except that I needed . And I got. Candlelit dinners, walks through parks, sensual kisses on street corners, and giggly phone calls lasting well into the night came, and came some . I was falling for him, and hard. And I kept falling for him, even
Argentina + An 11 Year Old Boy + Greatest Business Asset of All
“Good afternoon, ma’am!” he cheerfully exclaims. I lo up from my menu at the outdoor cafe, and I’m greeted by the eager, smiling face of a young boy. One of his front teeth is noticeably chipped in half, but that doesn’t stop him from beaming with uninhibited enthusiasm as he carefully lays down 5 sheets of Hello Kitty stickers to the side of my placemat without permission. Before I can say anything, he takes the lead: “My, your hair color
Sometimes, Money DOES Equal Happiness. Sometimes, Livin’ On a Prayer Gets OLD.
He los me right in the eyes. Then, he blindsides me with the question. “So, how much do you charge?” My mind races. So does my heart. Ohshitohshitohshit. How much is too much? How much is too little? I don’t want him to think I’m an amateur! Quick, say something! Something smooth! I meet his eyes. “Well, what’s your budget lo like?” I say, in a way that comes out sounding way seductive than I mean it to sound.
Trust, Humanity & A Dutch Pilot. Otherwise Known As The Important Things In Life.
Sometimes, you want to do it all yourself. Sometimes, you don’t want anyone’s help. And sometimes, you (bullheadedly) insist on being the hero in your own fairy tale. Sometimes, that person is me. Other times, that person is you. But if there’s anything I’ve learned when it comes to , life, happiness & business, it’s that there comes a time when it’s ay for us both to drop the act. In fact, it’s not just ay, but it’s a must.
The Red Hot Truth About Sex, Selling & Success (That Will Make or Break You In 2011)
Are you ready for this? Because I’m totally going to tell a mom story. I’m going to tell a mom story in a post with the word “sex” in the title. But it’s ay, because you’re going to the story. And then you’re going to go off into the world and do amazing things, all thanks to MY MOM. If she were still alive, I’d absolutely make that her Christmas gift, because who doesn’t want their words of
The 11 Word Equation for Surefire Business Success
How you shine + How you can help others shine= BUSINESS BRILLIANCE Take a hard lo at that, and really think about what that means. It’s the only equation you need to know. The rest are details that can be sorted along the way. So, what are you waiting for? Do the math, and get something going.
The Art of Business Rebellion
So, the other day I ask The Chilean to stop at the store on his way over and pick up some chicken. He gets here, plops down this bag, and proceeds to pull out a whole chicken, gripping it by the legs and asking me where I want him to put it. The conversation that followed went as such: Me: What do you think this is, Thanksgiving? Him: What are you talking about? Me: That’s a whole chicken! Do you
Resolutions Are For Chumps. I Choose Revolution.
All the things you think you need this year, you don’t. You do not need determination. You do not need discip. And you certainly do not need diligence. Are you kidding me? You are a Westerner–you’ve got plenty of that. Why else have you gotten up every single day and begrudgingly gone off to work at that job that makes you miserable? Why else have you lived your life doing things you don’t like, because you “have
Do What You Love (And Get Paid for It): The Missing Link
So last week you met Po. You’re welcome. If you didn’t meet Po last week, you need to read that before you read this. If you don’t, you run the risk of having me track you down and fling spicy Peruvian chicken sauce in your eye. Yes, it exists—I’m dipping my bread in it as I write this. Anyway, if you met Po, you already know that he & I exchanged messages, that he’s a “goddamn solo performer,” and that
Top 20 Reasons Why Travelers Have More Fun During the Holidays
1. Because watching people whose first language isn’t English, try to sing along with “Deck The Halls,” is hilarious. 2. Brazilian butts or Santa’s gut–you pick. 3. No unhealthy fantasies about ripping that damn bell out of the hands of the skinny guy with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and sticking it in places a bell doesn’t (usually) belong. 4. Your friends in other countries will be just as grateful if you gift them a pack of
Your Art is Not Frivolous—It’s Money Begging to Be Made
I received this e last week (published with permission): Ash, Thank you. No, seriously, thank you. I can truthfully say that post was one of the best posts I’ve read in the sphere. I lost my mom when I was eight; I actually wrote/performed a one man show about it (It’s a comedy, trust me) so automatic resonance points for that. I’ve been trying to get on this life design tip for a while, with no success lately. I’ve been
The Art of (Online) Seduction (And Why You Need It To Make Money)
Think of a time when you’ve been doe-eyed & dazzled, blissfully swept off of your feet & helplessly lulled into the warm embrace of a whirlwind romance. Was it the way they first loed at you? The way they tenderly removed your wine glass from your hand, before caressing the side of your face? The way they suddenly, desperately, hungrily pulled you in close for that first intense, painfully passionate kiss, your lips trembling against one another’s with an eager
The 67 Emotions of Success: My Story
OBLIVIOUS When tears silently fell from Elizabeth’s cheek upon finding the note from her r, 3 days before their daughter was born that read: “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” ASHAMED When classmates asked where my daddy was. I lied & told them he was Crocodile Dundee, and had to be in Australia to tame the outback. CONFUSED When we used different money than everyone else to buy bread & milk. BITTER When I was 14 and sat in the
The Greatest Human Tragedy of All: Us, Right Now
You’ve been suffering. Despair has been bloodthirstily clawing at your soul—savagely, abruptly & without abandon. It’s grips are icy & callous, as it mercilessly forces itself upon you, the lingering smell of stale gin on its breath, violently violating your good intentions. You feel smothered, dirty & ashamed as you gasp for air & pray that it will be over soon. Tears fall silently, but you cannot defend yourself. Despair overpowers you. You’ve tried screaming for help, but as it
The Woman Whose Ass We All Should Be Kissing
If I had a foghorn, do you know what I’d shout? (Besides how I’ll never understand why so many people think that God is actually a compelling justification for their particular policy preferences. /rant) What I’d really shout—what I truly believe our people desperately need to hear—is this and this alone: The well-being of our world urgently depends on our ability to respect the time we’ve been given on it. Time is only on your side until you betray her,
You (Still) Don’t Need a Job.
MYTH: You think to yourself: “You are no Chris Guillebeau; you should just go find a job.” –Fear expressed from an actual reader e If you’ve fallen into the trap of thinking you aren’t interesting enough, not smart enough, not savvy enough, not fill-in-the-blank enough, you’re, first, wrong, and second, ignorant of the way the world works. This is no cheesy, self-help, have-faith-in-the-power-of-you! speech—as much as I those—this is about cold, hard facts. While it is absolutely true that
You Don’t Need a Job – You Need Guts
Truth: Most people will walk this earth for decades, feeling guilty for not pursuing the great adventures inside of them, but will never do anything about it. Truth: Most people are overwhelmed by fear, and will make some of the worst choices of their lives because of it. Greatness evolves from trust–in yourself, in your ideas, and in your ability to know, deep down, what’s best for YOU. We must not betray that trust, because the moment we do, we
A Beautiful Mess: A Personal Manifesto of The Human Experience
I need my life to feel meaningful. I must work toward something I believe in. I want to create value. I want to be bold. I want to live up to my own expectations. And never settle unless I choose to. I want to be exhilarated by every single day. And be in awe of life. And the world. And my part in it. I want to trip. I want to fall. And I want to get back up. Lo
The Greatest Form of Suffering of All: Inaction
Once upon a time, I was feeling stuck. If my suspicions are correct, many of you reading this might feel the same way right now. You can’t get motivated. You aren’t excited about anything. You’re tired all of the time. Lifeless. Indifferent. Apathetic. You’ve stopped caring—about yourself, about your goals, about the things you used to. You weren’t always this way; at one time, you were optimistic, driven, determined, confident and generally happy with the direction your life was going.
A Conversation With An Immigrant on U.S. Life
I had an insightful conversation with a Mexican immigrant the other day. We also might have had a round of margaritas, which could have enhanced the perceived value of the conversation, but nevertheless, I wanted to share it with you. It went something like this: ME: So, I imagine you came here with some expectations about the U.S. What have been your greatest disappointments thus far? (Seriously, I should have been an anthropologist.) HIM: Besides the fact that no one
Does Risk Really Equal Reward? Only If You Redefine “Risk”
Life is full of contradictions. Take the very premise that America was built on: Fearless determination, courage, imagination, and nothing than a dream mixed with a ful of hope. America was built on the backs of the stubborn, the tenacious, the rebellious – those who would not accept no for an answer. They started with a belief. From that belief grew a vision. And from that vision grew this country. Thereafter, the cycle continues to repeat itself: This country
Defiance or Defeat? You Pick.
Sometimes, the shit hits the fan. Sometimes, you find yourself living out of your car, storing all of your toiletries in an oversize red purse, lodging sweatshirts in between head rests and sunroof panels to block the windows so you can sleep, explaining to unsympathetic credit card companies that you can’t pay your $41 minimum payment because you’ve got negative $12 in your bank account, having border nervous breakdowns over what Equifax is going to have to say about all
Beating, Stomping and Otherwise Assassinating The Voice In Your Head That Says “You Can’t.” Violently.
It’s that fear. It’s that dirty little lurking thought in the back of your head that moseys on up to the forefront every single time you’re finally prepared to step up to the plate and take a chance in life. You’re not smart enough. You don’t know what you’re doing. People will see right through you. This is never going to work. Who do you think you are? You’re a foolish ox. Yes, that’s right, I said it: OX. OX!!!!
Slugs, Angel Hair Pasta & Vespas, Or, The One Thing That DOES Define You In This Life
So, I’m sitting in the bar at this restaurant. I’m lovingly twirling my fork into a steamy, lemony, buttery, most ightfully angelic heap of angel hair–the creamy, makes-you-throw-your-head-back-with-glee kind of pasta that, I was thinking, should probably be forbidden for nuns, because, I swear, this pasta is far decadent than the best sex you could think up. It! is! simply! that! good! *sips chardonnay* *wonders if it’s normal to be in lust with your pasta* *thinks about researching it*
How to Deal When the World Collapses Right On Your Face
It’s easy to let the little things get the best of you. I know that every time I burn a grilled cheese, a small part of me dies inside. Which is every time, actually. But I don’t really die inside; rather I just learned to charred bread. Mhmmmm! See how easy that was? Beyond the magical undertaking of perfecting a grilled cheese, we tend to get wrapped up in all of the here-and-now details of daily life. We become