Lewd Life Lessons from 2011 (Hey, That Rhymed.)

IN: Business 101

  1. It might be true that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. But the successful baller shot caller says, “Playa please!” and finds another avenue that naturally comes easier. Trust in nature. And anything made with vodka.
  2. You should probably have a good cry, already. And then another. And then another. But…use waterproof mascara.
  3. Never tell yourself you shouldn’t feel a certain way. If you feel it, that’s all you need to know. Don’t fight battles you weren’t meant to.
  4. Fuck email, yo. It can wait.
  5. And while we’re on the topic, fuck the guy that wrote you that nasty message belittling you + your intentions. He is most likely an overweight, bald child molester who wears gray K-Mart sweats, sucks at spelling, drools by accident and refuses to eat anything but peanut butter sandwiches on rye. If he were to give you his opinion face to face, would you actually care? Remember: Perspective.
  6. Coffee is pretty good. Drink it.
  7. Sometimes, people who tell you that you can do it are full of shit. Sometimes, you can’t do it. For whatever reason. And that’s okay. Recognize and move on.
  8. Being a solopreneur is hard. Being a solopreneur who isn’t organized is exactly 29,021 times harder. That’s a number I wouldn’t want to mess with.
  9. Twitter is awesome but, at the end of the day, it won’t singlehandedly market your business, make you mad profitable, or save you in the event that you’re trapped in a burning building. (Fucking bullshit, right?) Mom was right when she warned you not to put all of your eggs in one basket. As stupid a phrase it is..it’s true.
  10. None of it matters. None of it. Not your profit margin. Not your conversion rates. Not your email signature. Not your sales funnel. Not your web design. All that really matters is love, with a big ass capital L. Love of your craft. Love of your customers. Love of your self. And love of this one fleeting chance we get on this earth. Learn to love, and the other things will fall into place. Unless you’re a huge douche, in which case, you should probably just hold on and pray. 

Part II coming soon to theaters near you.


That was a total lie.

But it is coming to this blog. Which is basically the same thing minus Angelina Jolie and butter popcorn.


I really need to step up my game, don’t I?