“Can I you a drink? How about a meatball sandwich? Here, just have some cheese and crackers. What about turkey? Do you like turkey? We could always order a pizza…” This was my mother’s way of inviting everyone into our home. From friends of mine, to boyfriends of mine, to the man who came with the propane truck once a month to fill up the tank out back. And mind you, my mother was shy. Like, painfully shy. But the
You Don’t Have to Be an Asshole to Be an Authority
There’s a conflict between authority and earnestness. You want to be viewed as an expert…but you also want to be down-to-earth. You want people to respect you…but you also want to be relatable. You want to command high fees…but you also want to be accessible. Most people flip flop back and forth between these two extremes. They’re either all business—but missing any real connection—or they’re all earnestness—but missing the respect. But this isn’t a zero sum game. You don’t need
Self-Promotion Doesn’t Have to Turn You Into a Self-Absorbed A-Hole
It’s a funny thing, promoting yourself. I’m fairly certain most people would rather have a perfectly minty molar ripped violently from their mouth, using a rusty tool from the 1950’s, performed by a man named Jacque, than they would ever want to dare “sound like they are bragging.” Self-promotion is hard because nobody wants to be seen as self-absorbed—but there’s a difference, and it’s critical to your career. Why? Making your achievements known is the only way that other people
Prices Are Little Facts, My Dear: A Love Note to Anyone Having Trouble Charging What They’re Worth
Money is important, and you can’t run a business without it. BUT WE LOVE TO PRETEND LIKE THAT ISN’T TRUE. I had an incredible meeting with a new business owner yesterday except I was her client instead of the reverse. (And she’s a naturopath, you guys, can you believe this shit? I’m evolving.) When it came time to talk about money, however, she began with the very adorable (and totally normal), “Oh no, I’m not going to charge you, I’m
Trust The Shit Out of Yourself, Alright? You ARE the Exception.
“That’s the exception, not the rule,” is a tragic piece of advice. As any leader knows, “be the exception, not the rule,” is how leaders are born in the first place.
“Getting On the Phone With Clients Makes Me Want to Projectile VOMIT”
“Let’s hop on a call” strikes VAMPIRE-LIKE-TERROR into the heart of new business owners and experienced ones alike. When I to a survey asking why, here were some of the answers: Just puhleezze buy it…don’t make me ask!! The first 10 seconds are so awkward! I hate small talk but never know how to start the conversation right. I want to sound like a girl with brains and someone to be reckoned with—but I have no idea how. I hate
The Hot Dog Theory of Money (And How to Ask For It With Ease)
I have a theory about money, and it goes like this: If you were selling hot dogs at a hot dog stand, and some guy walked up and asked you how much a hot dog cost, would you hem and haw and say to the guy: “Uh, well, let me see…usssssuually I charge between one dollar and three dollars-ish—yeah, that’s right—but since this is your first time buying a hot dog from me, I’m happy to work with you on
My Favorite Line for Handling Angry People With Dignity + Grace
“Why don’t you tell me what you think would be appropriate?” Useful language for handling complex situations like: A customer is unsatisfied. An employee is complaining. A friend is upset. Your sister is angry you don’t see her enough. A gorgeous Italian man is holding a very serious grudge because you denied his advances as you pranced into the sunset before you realized you were very, very stupid, and now you’re begging his forgiveness. (Torturous, I am sure.) Most of
Growth Requires Muscle Tears
Yesterday I talked about change—and it’s no coincidence. I’m making some big changes myself, given that a lot of things are coming to an end, right now. Because iteration is what we’re all doing, every single day, even if it blows by us going 100mph down the freeway. (In a red Ferrari, sming a cigar, with a license plate that reads: TOOFAST4U.) We iterate as we breathe; we iterate every time we exercise; we iterate every time we learn something
When Following the Crowd is GOOD FOR YOU.
So the other day, it happened. There was one person stubborn enough to finally coerce me into doing the one thing I’d promised I’d never do. I’d hedged for many painful weeks. (Okay, fine, months.) I’d squirmed and I’d squithered (new favorite word) and I’d writhed and I’d wriggled. And yet, she kept asking. “Today at 5:30!” “Are you coming today?” “A little birdy told me today is the dayyyyyy.” And every time I’d try really hard to talk
There’s No Such Thing as The Committee of True & Actual Greatness™
You know what’s the absolute worst? Waiting in at the doctor’s office. There’s a lot of anxiety around that, am I right? Nobody likes waiting at the doctor’s office because we all secretly think that the doctor’s just sitting behind a closed door somewhere, doing wheelies in an office chair, watching the minutes churn past with glee as they browse the latest in cutting edge gardening techniques while the rest of us waste away huddled together in
“Oh Crap! What if I’m New At This + Don’t Have Any Testimonials?!”
CONFESSION: I’m about to share something and be a bad, bad girl. Okay, fine, I’m not really a bad girl (it’s only Thursday, after all) but I am about to share an excerpt from the column that I write exclusively for my Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends, because I THINK THIS TOPIC IS THAT IMPORTANT. Here was the question that was sent in: I am about to embark on giving my first set of free 20-minute coaching calls (with no sales pitch)
My Top 5 Makeup Tips for Working From Home—And NOT Looking Like a Total Soiled Sloth :)
Hi! You are going to think I’m positively off my rocker, but I made you a video containing my very own top five makeup tips for NOT loing like a soiled sloth while working from home. Because WORKING FROM HOME IS HARD AND WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET. (Also, because last week one of our Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends—a fabulous photographer named Heidi—rocked a Live for all of us on how to lo hot for the camera, and
Unf*ckwithable BOSS | Online Business Development Program
*enthusiastic drum roll por favor* Just kidding. I’d actually like an electronic harp, please. (Obviously superior.) Ladies, gents, and pandas, it is my pleasure to announce that the all-new Unf*ckwithable Boss On Business Development Program is now officially open. If you ever wished that you and I could put our heads together over a bottle of wine, and work together for a series of weeks ing in hard and creating—or overhauling—your on business from start to finish, A-Z, this is for you. As
UNF*CKWITHABLE BOSS: Red Hot, Brand New, Business Development & Refinery Program. Now Open for Enrollment!
Hang onto your pumpkin loafs! (By which I mean, eat all the pumpkin loaf and then get yo’ glasses on, because there’s big news in the house today.) My brand-new business mentorship program has just rolled up in a Cadillac and is currently swigging vodka before making its debut onto the red carpet. It’s called UNF*CKWITHABLE BOSS, and it’s here to change the face of modern work forever. Unconventional name? Check. Unconventional purpose? Double check. If you’ve been thinking about striking
Self-Hatred, Low Self-Esteem & Firing Those Lying Pricks From Your Payroll
Alright, real talk: It’s 4:27am and there should be laws against writing at these hours. Is this what drunk driving feels like? Because I’m pretty sure my eyes are doing cartwheels and my brain is like, “What the ****?” and all the while my stomach is all, LISTEN LADY IF WE’RE DOING THIS I’M GONNA NEED SOME ASSISTANCE DOWN HERE. I mean, I normally wouldn’t mind dragging a bag of Doritos into bed with me at this hour (it’s
Your Opinion About Yourself Doesn’t Matter
Real talk: I think you’re a liar. A very, very convenient liar. I can call you that because we’re all in the same club. Because the thing is, when you’re out there doing creative work, and new work, and work that has no manager, no support team, no pat on the back, there are days when you will wake up and be convinced that you’re a total fuck up; that you’re not any good; that you’re in over your head; that
Wanna Be Successful Online? Stop Bullshitting. Tell Your TRUTH.
Jesus, do you feel that? *Not a direct quote from Donald Trump I was scrolling through my feed, as one does on a Thursday night when they’ve just made themselves a pot of coffee in a feeble attempt to NOT keep the sleep schedule of an eighty year old choir member, and there it was, all over the place: The sense that everybody is entirely bullshitting you. And, you know, I’m not entirely sure who I’d like to
“Never Lose Your Sunny Disposition. It’ll Be the Most Important Asset You’ll Ever Have.”
Her name began with an H. I brought the card down to the hotel lobby with a little swing in my pulse—not because I was nervous to give it to her, although in retrospect, maybe I was. I didn’t want it to seem like I was bribing her. (Or, you know, ASKING FOR SEX.) “My first Kate Spade!” she exclaimed, swinging the lid off the round pink and orange box with the same overflowing enthusiasm that had been the very
If You’re Nervous About Pulling the Trigger, Clap Your Handsssss!
There seems to be this idea that you should be ready for stuff before you do it. You should do your research. Come fully prepared. Think ahead. Not get taken by surprise. While that might be practical advice when you’re presenting an 8th grade science project, or pitching your boss an idea, or trying anal for the first time—SHE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT—it’s the farthest thing from practical in a modern world of entrepreneurship. The assumption behind the “plan
Women Don’t Learn How to Be Strong & Confident & Brave in Home-Fucking-Ec.
Once upon a time, I to Home Ec in high school, which is hilarious, because based on tweets like these, I must have failed: I tweeted that out a couple of days ago after Googling “How to trick your mother-in-law into thinking canned tomato sauce is homemade,” which inevitably led me into chopping, like, four fucking onions with a butter knife and spooning an entire cup of sugar into the pot, because if a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine
Is Your Life *Actually* a Good One? Can You Even Decide? What Does Good Even MEAN These Days?
It’s hilarious, really. You spent the first twenty years of your life worrying what the f*ck you were suppose to do on this planet—with your ONE BIG PRECIOUS LIFE that every other poster won’t shut up about—only to spend the next twenty years wondering if you did it right. Because, did you? Was this what life was suppose to lo like? Did you do it right? Pass the test, check the box, score the A? Like, is your life
When You Feel Worthy of Being Seen…It Shows
Let me tell you what: American women may have Victoria’s Secret, but Italian women have another secret altogether. You know it by the way she holds her head a little higher than yours, eyes on fire, gliding down the god damn sidewalk as if her and Mother Nature were tag teaming. It is not just confidence—though confidence is plainly written across her shoulders—nor arrogance, judging by the way she laughs with her entire body alongside her friends in the piazza.
For a Long Time I Secretly Worried: What If I Was Screwing Everything Up?!
We’re on a transatlantic flight to London. I just bite into the kind of sausage one should never bite into, and now that we’re exactly 552 miles away from our destination, I realized that my eyes were less than sprightly and my hair loed like Fiona fucked a bird’s nest. So I did what any resourceful woman on a transatlantic flight to one of the most fashionable cities in the world might do: I brushed it. With a toothbrush.
Stop Peeing Apologies Down Your Leg: Instead of Saying “I’m Sorry,” Say “THANK YOU”
I used to be a really nice person. I was the kind of person who would nod sweetly and enthusiastically, as if I had a permanent coating of cotton candy on my lips—even when I was seething inside. (Whether this made me nice or a moron is still up for debate.) I would never question anyone else’s opinions, assuming that if they thought it, that made it true; that they saw something I didn’t. I would never tell anyone “no,”
The CEO might be her own boss, but she does not have to be her own bitch.
Being in business for yourself requires three things. A sense of discip. A sense of self. And a motherfucking tube of lipstick. When you run a business, NOTHING about your workday los like anybody else’s, and soon it follows that nothing about your life los very much like anybody else’s, either. Late nights. Unusual schedules. Working than everybody you know. Feast and famine. Elation and despair. Freedom on a Monday. Shackles on a Sunday. And your hilarious diet, which probably consists of
How to Pitch Yourself On Paper the HUMAN Way (Or, Your Resume: A Horror Story)
“Why won’t you kiss me?” he had asked. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Didn’t he understand what I was going through? Didn’t he have the same worries?! He inched closer. I inched backward. I couldn’t kiss him. Not there. Not with the faint smell of burnt popcorn swirling in my nostrils; the scent of sweaty leather fighting for an equal opportunity to infiltrate my senses. There was suppose to be candlelight. And a bowl of spaghetti. And Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love