FREE DOWNLOAD: 30 Holiday Script Templates for Handling All Those Business Heachaches That Pop Up When You Really Just Want to be Drinking Peppermint Schnapps

IN: Writing

So this morning I’m sitting here going about my business, writing up a storm, guzzling coffee, and otherwise trying not to be mad that it’s sunny and 90 degrees where I am in Costa Rica when ALL I WANT IS SNOW FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

Nevertheless, I know what constitutes a realistic ask, and snow in Central America isn’t one of them. So naturally, I opt for second best, buying every decoration in sight for the past two months like a verifiable crazy person. There’s a snowflake welcome mat outside, a snowman AND a reindeer on the table in the breezeway, and more silver sparkle than a Las Vegas stripper. (That said, I have never seen a Vegas stripper, so this is admittedly an unfair comparison.)

The other day, I even took it upon myself to “decorate” the reading room.

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But that’s where the buck stopped. (So close to a reindeer pun, you guys.) Because then Monday happened. And now Tuesday. And, you know, there’s work to be done. I don’t screw around during the week – not even when there is chintzy tinsel to mockingly hang. There’s a time and a place, and that time and place involves egg nog, Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas, and at least two people who love each other. Or something.

Which might explain why, when I walked into the living room this morning to find C DECORATING OUR CHRISTMAS TREE WITHOUT ME, I instantly felt the anger rush to my face. It was bad enough he went and picked out the tree himself…and now he was going to decorate it himself, too? When it was ME who insisted we get a tree, and when it was ME who picked out all the ornaments, and it was ME who slaved over the hardest decision of the holidays: silver or gold? (As you know, I picked silver, obviously.)

He had the lights strung, and 75% of the ornaments hung, when I walked into the room and screeched: WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOIIIIIIINNNGGGGG?!?!?!?

Poor guy. This guy really has it in for him with me, doesn’t he?

Either way, I suddenly felt like I was being left out of my own holiday tradition, and my instant reaction was to be a huge bitch. (No sugar coating cookies here.)

And while you might be able to have those kinds of mini inappropriate explosions in private, you simply can’t run around blurting out whatever you think in your professional life.

Bottom line: It’s the holidays, and there’s a lot of pressure around the holidays. You know it, I know it, and Santa, that troublemaker, knows it, too.

You’re going to be feeling it from your business, trying to get everything done before you’re off; you’re going to be feeling it from your clients, trying to get everything THEY need done before THEY’RE off; you’re going to be feeling it from your family, trying to accommodate everyone’s wishes; and you’re going to be feeling it from yourself, angry when you’re sitting there working instead of decorating the god damn tree.

Two solutions:

1. I already mentioned the egg nog, right? CHECK.

2. Around the holidays, (November and December), you’ll be able to download a free prezzie, from me to you: It’s a (100% free) downloadable collection of holiday script templates Jess and I wrote just for you, to help you navigate your most stressful holiday situations like a graceful little turtle dove. (Assuming turtle doves are more graceful than actual turtles.) It’s also really effing pretty. And sparkly. AND I TOLD YOU I WASN’T HOLDING BACK.

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It includes some fun scripts that’ll help you:

• Elegantly tell a client you’ll be taking (way the fuck off) for the holidays
• Explain that there’s an additional fee for things like emergency holiday rush projects 🙂
• Recover when you totally drop the ball and miss that deadline because you got way too carried away building your 5 story gingerbread house.

And more. Because after all, even business owners need a holiday. Hopefully these scripts will help you take yours…guilt free.

And now, I’m off to rip down all of the ornaments and REDECORATE THE TREE.

You think I’m kidding. That’s cute.