1. Because watching people whose first language isn’t English, try to sing along with “Deck The Halls,” is hilarious.
2. Brazilian butts or Santa’s gut–you pick.
3. No more unhealthy fantasies about ripping that damn bell out of the hands of the skinny guy with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and sticking it in places a bell doesn’t (usually) belong.
4. Your friends in other countries will be just as grateful if you gift them a pack of Tootsie Rolls and a hug. More economical AND less consumeristic. Yes, that’s a word.
5. Your in-laws are thousands of miles away. Enough said. Unless you’re one of those people who likes your in-laws. *glances at you suspiciously while stroking chin*
6. No one–I repeat, no one–will make any reference to you “shooting your eye out.” Or make you suffer through the movie. Again.
7. Grandma will be far more likely to believe you when you tell her that the sweater she knitted you was “stolen.” Damn terrorists.
8. You’ll actually lose weight over the holidays, because instead of hopping in your SUV, you walk everywhere.
9. Eggnog, Schmegnog. Bring on the cachaca, baby.
10. You don’t have to feel guilty about having a fake tree. You can just say you got lost on your way to the Christmas tree farm and didn’t know how to ask for directions.
11. Being in a foreign country encourages creativity; you can’t just pick up another Bath & Body Works gift basket and call it a day. Hell, in some places you’ll be lucky if you can find a stick of deodorant. Now there’s a useful Christmas present.
12. You can buy a whole live pig for the same price as you spent last year on your 10 pound ham.
13. Jet skis beat sleighs any day…
Dashing through the…..water.
In a one-horse powered jet ski
Over the waves we go
Laughing all the way
Calls for happy hour ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to travel & be a digital entrepreneur tonight!
14. For reasons unknown to mankind, Christmas cookies ARE! ALWAYS! HARD! Tres leches? Not so much.
15. Who needs a cozy night by the fireplace when the disco is open until 7am?
16. Did I mention that the disco is open until 7am?
17. Plastic lawn ornaments are, not surprisingly, a gringo thing only. Thank god. Or someone.
18. You can ignore the hyper-commercialism, hyper-consumerism, and hyper children and just go scuba diving instead.
19. You didn’t want a new pair of socks, anyway.
20. Last but not least? Because you can justify doing things you’d never do at home. Like splurging for a massage. Or letting yourself be seduced by a [wo]man who you know is just going to be a one-night stand. Or, you know, by actually staying OUT at the disco until 7am.